The earth is not flat

Here we go again. Politicians and their slips of the tongue. Or is it brain damage?

Following Alaska’s ex-governor Sarah Palin’s outbursts of lack of general knowledge, now tea party hopefull Michele Bachmann follows the trail of stupid uttering.

It’s kind of basics that if you wanna be the next White House resident you should know better. Much better. It seems a Republican habit. Bush Jr was full of verbal tripping, then Palin with her worldpolitics mishaps and now Bachmann. And ofcourse before all of them we had b-actor Ronald Reagan who only spoke about nuking the Soviets.

Especially populist politicians, like the tea party folks, should really watch what comes out of their mouths because they only focus on 20-second soundbites with not too much content nor depth. So it’s gotta be right and tight. They got the tight right, but the right is not always right.

It started when Buchmann launched her presidential bit in a town called Waterloo. Now Waterloo is a town in Belgium (“oh heck, where’s that”, Michele screams…) and was the battlefield that brought Napoleon’s rule to a halt in the 19th Century. And the term ‘meeting your Waterloo’ is very commonly known as one’s ultimate defeat. So launching your presidential ambitions in Waterloo might be a bit of a public relations disaster. But then again, Buchmann probably thinks that her tea party lovers wont know jacksh*t about Napoleon nor Waterloo, and thus what the heck. And explaining Napoleon in 20 seconds is not possible anyway. So just stick to the hometown label without further thoughts. Easy.

And then came cowboy-hero John Wayne. Well not really. Buchmann confused the NRA symbol with the serial killer John Wayne Gacy. Confusing a gun hero with a gun madman is like slipping on 7 banana peels in one go. Especially for gun loving tea party, presidental hopefulls. Oeps! John Wayne might be turning in his grave. From riding away on your horse as sun sets to an ugly looking bloke on a killing spree is just a brainflick away. For some.

Then she wished America’s sweetheart Elvis Presley a happy birthday….. on the anniversary of his death. More banana action! Maybe sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll are taboo subjects within the tea drinking circles. Evil stuff for conservative minded folks and thus banned from knowledge-gathering efforts.

So one gotta start thinking what’s next. Scary thoughts.

Maybe Buchmann needs an urgent crash course before the presidential race really kicks off early next year. Crash course in….. well, mostly everything. Politics, geography, culture, understanding a calendar, Hollywood, history, proverbs,…. For tea party followers her dress sense seems spot on and her short quick US politics soundclips – aka short barks – seem mostly enough to get the tea lovers shouting and screaming like they’ve reached nirvana.

Anyway. Guide to the Buchmann crashcourse. The world is round, not flat. Think about a globe. Or a basketball. Africa is not a country. It’s a continent with more than 50 independent nations. Canada is not an American State. It’s another independent nation. The Somali pirates do not have an eye patch on, nor a skull and bones flag. Japan is not a member of the European Union. North and South Korea are two different countries and the US likes the south and hates the north (don’t make the Palin mistake on this one, especially when your finger is on the nuke button when / if you reach the White House). The White House is on Pennsylvania Avenue, but is not in Pennsylvania. I know, it is confusing but try to remember! A passport is an official document every citizen needs to have when going to a foreign country. I know, it’s a scary idea to leave the USA but maybe one day you might wanna go to the United Kingdom and meet the Queen. No, the rockband Queen is no more since the singer died of the AIDS virus (“He must have been gay!” “Oh he was! You see, it’s a gay disease. God's punishment.”). The Soviet Union is no more. Karl Marx is also dead. Long time ago. Don’t worry about him anymore. When you step on a bus on the campaign trail make sure it’s yours and not Obama’s. No Michelle Obama did not steal your first name. Yes, the White House will pay for your hairdresser appointments… if you make it to that white, big building in Washington DC. And no, Washington DC is not a suburb of Seattle in Washington state. Sometimes Mexicans do not eat chicken and beans. Yes Fidel Castro is still alive…., but probably not for long. You have good Muslims and bad Muslims. The good ones are those the Bush family has business dealings with. The bad ones are terrorists. Yes sorry, Ronald Reagan is dead. Yes yes, if you become the next US president you can dig up Obama’s basketball field and built a shooting range. Yes, in theory you can invade nations, just check first with your advisors if they are on the allied list or not. Yes you can bring your own pen to the White House to put on X on documents now and then. You are probably right that they speak a funny language in France. No, it’s not an English dialect. Sony is not an American company. Neither is Toyota. Yes they use the US dollar across all states of the US of A. And no, the Canadian dollar is not the same. No, America doesn’t occupy Japan anymore. But yes for sure, China is still communist and has these limitations on free speech and religious gatherings. Don’t send the cruise missiles yet. Yes you can have your own Facebook page and a Twitter account.

That will do for the next weeks.

Can you imagine a Buchmann-Palin ticket? Their acceptance speeches at the republican convention would be hilarious. It would be sold on DVD afterwards on the comedy-shelve at your local DVD rental store. A winning Buckmann-Palin poll would be very scary. Too scary to even think about it. Even the Martians will start building bunkers.

Human bahviour is just for fun.

To erase those tragic visions of a Buchmann-Palin ticket; which in human evolution is going 4 species backwards; lets have some wine.

The Australian, nearly-pensioned hardrockers AC/DC are releasing their own wines. Yep, indeed. High voltage wine. It’s called parallel investments. So you gotta look out for Back To Black Shiraz, Highway To Hell Cabernet Sauvignon, Hells Bells Sauvignon Blanc and You Shook Me All Night Long Moscato.

But if you gonna have it all night long, it will feel you’re on a highway to hell. You will hear hell’s bells as you are passing out again and again. Back to black.

Human behavior can be like TNT.

Throw out. Playing AC/DC’s live album from 1992 feels like like a thundering train through misty valleys. The sound of a whole generation. A devine classic in musical history. Nearly 2 decades old (that album, not the band) but still standing like a rock.

C -Ya

collateral – August 2011 is just full of inspiration. Amen.